


Broken Heart

by JMount74



Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Gen, Grieving, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMount74/pseuds/JMount74
Summary: Gordon's grieving and processing
Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946881
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober Prompt 19: Grief, Mourning Loved Ones

They tell you that there are seven stages of grief. Let me list them for you:

1) Shock/Denial  
2) Pain/Guilt  
3) Anger/Bargaining  
4) Depression  
5) The Upward Turn  
6) Reconstruction and Working Through  
7) Acceptance/Hope

I guess I am still balancing between stages one and two, although on some days stage three can give a frightening heads-up.

My brothers – and I love them very, very much – my brothers are trying to help me come to terms with what has happened to me, but she is gone, and I can never replace her.

Virgil comes closest to understanding how I feel, he almost had the same thing happen to his girl, but the two of them worked together to save her and she lived.

My girl is dead. 

Sorry, I don’t really mean to be so blunt, but if I sugar-coat it, if Alan looks at me with those puppy eyes he has, I’m liable to break down again.

Even John came down to visit and comfort me, and I really appreciated it, not much gets him out of his tin can, and even EOS said she was sorry.

\----------------

I guess the shock, the denial, of events actually hasn’t lasted long. But I am still in a huge amount of pain, both physically and mentally, and I feel so guilty for abandoning her in her death throes. 

Scott would tell me that I’m not being realistic, it’s not like I didn’t try to save her, and I didn’t really abandon her, but the guilt lingers anyway. 

Then the anger hits. He’s right! None of this is my fault! If I could get out of bed I would hunt them down and pay them back! I know that Kayo would help me with this, as would EOS, but it is not International Rescue’s way. 

(It would make me feel better, though)

\----------------

Depression has set in. I’m not sure I can get back out there again. You know, get out there and rescue people.

What use am I thinking I can rescue people when I couldn’t save her, the love of my life?

My three older brothers are doing their best to shore up my morale, but I’m not the happy-go-lucky person I was a couple of months ago.

I don’t think I ever can be again.

\-------------------

I woke up this morning. I feel lighter somehow. Yeah, I still hurt. Yeah, I really, really miss her still. But today, for the first time in a long time, I feel a bit more…I don’t know – happy in not the right word, but it’s close.

\-------------------

Brains came and saw me today. He has a project for me to work on with him that he says will help me get, not only back on my feet but also back out on the water, on rescues.

I am actually starting to feel that I can do this without her. It is what she would have wanted, I’m sure.

\-------------------

Today I participated in my first rescue since the incident. It still aches, I still miss her, but finally I have laid her to rest.

Everybody has been so caring and helpful. Alan even suggested we have our own small wake for her now I am ready to move on. Virgil has painted a lovely sign that I am going to put over the grave Scott and John created for her so that I have somewhere if I need it.

It is done. I have laid her to rest. The sign Virgil painted is beautiful, capturing her likeness so well. Scott felt a little awkward, but he said some words.

And I am here, alone now, to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Thunderbird Four mark 1. I miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> A little nod to SOS part 2


End file.
